It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
