My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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