i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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