Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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