Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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