Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
