So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
