Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
