were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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