OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
