I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
