My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
