I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
