Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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