There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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