Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
