im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
