so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
