Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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