I wish I could punch you in the face.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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