There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
