I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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