I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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