Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
