I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can text with my tongue
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
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Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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