I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
