TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
