That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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