Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
