I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
