do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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