plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
