i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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