it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
