Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
