I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
