Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
