There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
