woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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