Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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