paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
