White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm bleeding and have questions
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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