Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
