Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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