got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
