when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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