You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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