I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
