So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
