At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
pop tarts are not kleenex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
