I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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