I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
