I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
