Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
