hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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