He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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