you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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