You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
