too bad you live with your parents still
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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