I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
