The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
