we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
