while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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