East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
