is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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