The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i've created a new STD.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
