the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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