You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
