I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
