Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I love you. Go after that dick
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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