Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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