Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
